January Reflections

Ah January, the month where so much - and so little! - happens. Thanks to the winter solstice on December 21st, our days are slowly getting lighter as they head towards the spring equinox. In Alberta, that is a long way away in January but the increased light gives us hope that we will get there. Eventually.
I swore off New Year's resolutions many years ago (no, that wasn't a resolution, merely a decision!) but crave setting goals and plotting in spite of myself. September and January are months of reawakening for me but both from very different perspectives. September is fresh newness, reminiscent of starting a new grade in school each year, quivering with anticipation, angst and unlimited potential. January, on the other hand, is quiet contemplation, cocooned in winter's heart, looking inward instead of out. Reflection, re-grounding, resolute.
Twenty-seven years ago, in 1991, it was a cold cold winter in Canmore with snow, snow and more snow. January was a very long month as I was 8 months pregnant with a two year old in tow in a mountain town but it ended with light and love with the birth of our son. I swear the month was 51 days long that year!
Every January transports me right back into that place. Not pregnant with a child, of course, but pregnant with a different sensation - a oneness with myself, with my family and friends, and the universe. A longing to give birth to something tangible, something light, something good.
This year, my 60th January on this Earth, something new is occurring. Instead of reflecting alone, safely in the warmth of my home and hearth, I am throwing myself into the world of yoga teaching training. New, scary, raw and real. I am labouring to giving birth to a new me - one who reflects outward, not inward, who listens attentively and doesn't try to fix everything, one who shares her fears in a group, one who tries something and fails, then tries it again and again. Who accepts herself as she is and says hey, hello, you are enough and you are awesome. Who recognizes that limitations are only limiting if you let them be and who opens her heart to the universe. Vulnerable, open and humble. One of the scariest things I have ever done in my life. Me, my mat, and my open heart, raw and exposed, in a room full of amazing people who are doing the same thing.
Not only are my days more filled with real light from outside, but also with real light from inside. A journey of a lifetime - to find myself and share that with others who may benefit from finding out that they too are enough, just as they are.
My days are blessed with light and love.