Finding Normal

It's been a while since I posted here. Much has happened, starting with the death of my mom just before Christmas, that has changed the normal in my life and I am still struggling to find that path.
Maybe normal isn't a path at all, but a perception we have of what makes up an ordinary day in our life. Anything out of the ordinary then skews our normal.
I guess I thought normal was a base point, that place of starting where all was calm and right. So far though I can't find that place.
It's not the world that has changed. It is me - things that seemed so clear before are now cloudy. Things that seemed important are trivial and bothersome. Dreams and wishes seem empty and pointless. 
I crave simplicity and kindness and peace. We have but a short time on this earth and I feel like I have wasted it flailing in twilight, not really seeing but thinking I had it right. When the sun rose, I could see the gaps, the darkness lurking in the corners, ugliness where I once only saw beauty, beauty where I only saw grey.
It was all an illusion, a misconception, a mask.
As I slowly work my way through these layers, I am hoping to find a new normal underneath. And if I can't, then maybe this journey is my new normal.